chicory, when I went to the library to get codependent no more and it was out, I walked out with another one called "Addict in the Family". It opened my eyes in a major way. It is a terrific book and the author is the mom of a heroin-addicted daughter. Although it talks generally about addiction, there is a lot of info on parent-child situations like yours. It addressed everything you said in your original post. The lying, deceit, manipulation, how she became a crazy mother along with other stories. Also has some stuff from the addict's point of view, very eye-opening.
In my early days on this forum I heard something compelling (sorry I can't remember who to credit them) - what if that time that you swooped in to save the addict again, would have been the time they reached their bottom and would have gotten help?
Powerful because as I posted recently in another thread, we think we are doing the right things, but maybe we're wrong. We think we're saving, helping, but in reality we may be perpetuating a bad situation or worsening one. If you were truly doing the right thing, you wouldn't still have such a terrible situation, right? So maybe something has to change and so that has to start with you because you can't change him. I can't imagine how heartbreaking it is for you but we all have you in our hearts.