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Old 08-24-2010, 03:35 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
laurie6781
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
 
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
(((((chicory)))))

You are having trouble throwing him out because you are a mother, he is your son and you love him.

That being said, here goes:

he has the survival skills of a two year old.
BULL. He has great surviving skills, he's still 'manipulating' you to let him live there. He knows how to get his 'drugs' one way or another.

Now, only you will know when you have reached the point my folks did, but let me post for you a 'brief' part of 'my story':

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Laurie 6781's Journey-My Story
Several months ago Carol D asked me to post “My Story.” Carol and I have known each other for several years now. We met on a different recovery site (now defunct) and have been ‘on line friends’ for almost 10 years. So here goes:

I was raised in the Midwest in an upper middle class family (that many years later I was to realize was extremely dysfunctional). Had what I thought was an average childhood (more was revealed the further I got into recovery.)

In 1957 when I was 12 I was physically maturing rather quickly. My mother in her infinite wisdom didn’t want some fellow to be able to take me out and get me drunk and do what he wanted, so she decided that I could learn how to “control and enjoy” my drinking at home. Now I have to tell you that I did learn how to control OR enjoy but NEVER at the same time.

I know today that by the time I was 16 I was already an alcoholic, but was a functioning one back then. I kept alcohol in my car, in my locker at school, in my locker at work, and in my bedroom. Finally realized in recovery that the only one I was hiding it from was myself.

In 1966 I gave up a little bab y girl for adoption, yes I did drink through most of the pregnancy, but did ‘control’ to a certain extent. 34 years later when I found her, it was with great relief to find out that she did not have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and in fact was a healthy, successful, adult woman.

In ’67 I married a fellow who was career Air Force and who had been married before (an alcoholic by the way.) He was 10 years older than me and had 4 children from his first marriage. His first wife was in the last stages of Alcoholism. We went to court and I adopted his 4 children, ranging in age from 6 to 13. The fun was just beginning.

When he would be home on leave we had the usual alcoholic fights and they slowly got worse. Ironically, after we divorced, we became friends. My alcoholism progressed.

For many years I remained a ‘functioning alcoholic’ holding down a high paying job with lots of responsibility. Looking back now, I can see that the company I worked for had MORE than it’s fair share of alcoholics right up to the President and owner of the company.

When I finally lost that job, it became harder to get and hold a job. I used up my severance pay and then all of my unemployment benefits and still was only working ‘temporary assignments’ when I could get my act together.

In January of ’79 (when I was 33 ½ years old) my family told me NO MORE. They would no longer help me in any way. If I called they would hang up, if I came to the door it would be closed in my face and if I tried to steal from them they would call the police. It was MY PROBLEM and I had to deal with it, they could not.

Later after being in recovery for several years, my mother finally shared with me that had they not shut the door on me, they felt they were all going to end up, locked up in a padded cell in an institution.

Well with that pronouncement, my attitude was F you. I did a geographic and moved back to California. It took me another 2 and ½ years to find recovery and the last year and a half I lived on the streets of Hollyweird.

I can tell you today that the BEST THING MY FAMILY ever did for me was to SHUT THE DOOR ON ME as they did.
I repeat ............... IT WAS THE THING MY FAMILY EVER DID FOR ME. They stopped 'enabling' me. They stopped paying for doctors, lawyers, bailing me out of jail, etc

Mom said later many times, that yes it hurt, but it hurt less than watching me slowly die in front of them.

I have been sober and clean over 29+ years now and in Alanon, practicing that program also for over 26 years.

Sweetie, I do understand from both sides of the coin.

Keep posting, read the 'stickys', other moms will be along to post, read some of Ann's posts current and past, there are many on here who have gotten through exactly what you are going through now.

We do care so very much, and even though we cannot be there to walk through this physically with you, we are there in spirit.

Love and hugs,
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