Oh hun, (((Chicory)))
I don't know what is stopping you. I wish I did. I would offer you the answers straight away.
I hope you find the strength to do this.
It was heartbreaking to read about the tension and sneaking and anger that fills your home.
I wish for you a home that is a sanctuary of love for yourself. A love that you can share with others that appreciate your good qualities.
Prayers for your peace.