Well I consider that a success story! Although AH didn't like AA, he did attend the couples meetings, and he did say he felt better afterwards - the couples were always very welcoming and very encouraging, especially to younger newcomers. It helped us improve our relationship and our communication but unfortunately because he wasn't working his own program additionally, there was a roadblock for us.
And I think naive has it right - we look to the A's actions rather than their words - we should take the same advice. Our actions do communicate and more so than our words. I'm really starting to understand the concept of language - yes words can hurt but they are just words - anyone can utter anything regardless of whether it matches what they do. That's the beauty and also the downfall of language - it can be manipulated to suit any situation under the sun (otherwise we wouldn't have actors! And that also gives us opportunity to change our self-talk). Action is really the basis of behaviour, because it more accurately reflects a person's insides and usually belies any words they could use.