JT

Hi...I think about all you young ladies going through hell right now a lot. Mostly I think you will "get there when you get there" because that is how it worked for me.

When I met Ward I already had the Beav. Ward played sports..Softball (bar), racquetball (bar), football (loaded with testosterone trip to the bar). Of course there was Happy Hour and Lunch on Saturdays at the bar. Oh I almost forgot Football on Sunday at the bar and horseshoes at the filling station with/keg. There were bar fights, he kicked a guy's ass for lighting my cigarette once and another for asking me to dance. He once passed out at dinner with friends...at the table...in the restaurant!

Ward has a very sharp tongue and it gets put to it's best use when someone gets in his face. Of course I did that all the time. I have been called pretty much every name in the book. And I can give as good as I get...at least I used to. Really ugly.

I cried myself to sleep, I tried to get him to "be" with me instead of going to the bar, I watched out windows, I called the bar, I went with him when I could...but I was the one who needed the sitter. I played designated driver...even from our wedding reception.

In his hay day he almost burned down a house, filled another with smoke, crashed two coffee tables, wrecked a few cars and has gotten one DUI.

Did I mention that the Beav was around through all of this? He is an alcoholic who is in jail and not all that close to stopping the party.

I went into recovery and the rest is history. I stopped the behaviors and he got older along with changing in response to my changing. Those changes took years...like 10...and a lot of hard work on my part.

We no longer fight...he merely passes out every night in his chair. He is home..not at the bar..but I am still alone. Times have changed since we were younger and drinking and driving is a much more serious offense...I think that has a lot to do with him drinking at home.

Anyway I am not typing this to push recovery...my question is this. If you can see my life as your future would you stay?

I still think recovery is important so the same mistakes are not repeated in future relationships...but is my life, albeit calm...what you want for yours?

Huge Hugs!
JT