Thanks everyone I know for sure that I cannot and will not live with an alcoholic. Recovering yes but not one that's drinking. I'm young and want kids and a family and I won't let that happen as long as my AH is drinking.
It's funny I left work yesterday after posting this got on the train and started reading the Codependency chapter on detachment. It talks a lot about obsessing over a person, which I've done. But in addition it looks at it from the view point of obsessing over a problem, which is exactly what I was doing.
It also reminded me of another wonderful book I read once called The Wisdom of Yoga. I won't do it justice but part of the book talks about the inner workings of the mind. There's the monkey mind that runs around from tree to tree, topic to topic and can't stop the constant mental chatter that goes on inside. Then there's the habitual patterning that's created by our human tendencies. For example if we tell ourselves we hate beets than that thread of thinking becomes like a groove in our brain and every time our hatred for beets comes up that groove gets deeper and deeper. Making it really hard for us to "jump" out of the moat and start a new way of thinking about things.
That's just a simple example but clearly there's a lot of ways it can be correlated to life with our A's. Think I need to make a conscious effort to get back to my meditation practice and quiet down that monkey of mine so I can start jumping out of moats.