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Old 08-24-2010, 04:36 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
naive
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
with my xABF, i realized that he did not understand words at all, but he understood actions. that was the only way to communicate. leaving the scene worked in communication. moving out worked to communicate. getting on with my own day communicated. unplugging the phone communicated.

i had to check my motives. was i doing these things for me or was i doing it to make a point? i often asked myself "what do i want?" and then went ahead and did it.

after so many lies, i became guarded about what i shared for good reason. i realized that he would use any confidence against me, if he was drunk and angry.

what he did understand was when i removed myself from his presence. i didn't need to say anything. i use to puzzle in my head how he thought we could heal all of the lies and tantrums by simply ignoring them. i knew i couldn't ignore them and since he chose not to address them, i got a therapist. i needed someone to talk to, but it wasn't going to be him, so the therapist filled that void for me. (interestingly, we rarely talk about him anymore)
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