I needed to read this today too.
I just started STEP ONE today! I found a temporary sponsor last night, and she gave me some assignments. I made a list of all the things I am powerless over. . . I thought it was not big deal until a few hours later, I spent a good half hour in the shower just bawling.
My ABF or RABF or whatever he is. . . I don't know, he may not want recovery right now. And it kills me. I just don't know why he wouldn't want it. And so then I kept thinking, "I have to leave, I have to tell him it's over, the sooner the better." And that may be true, but I just have to accept that I am not there right now. If I told him it was over, I would only be doing it to freak him out enough to hopefully jumpstart his recovery. . . big sigh.
Perhaps the essence of detachment with love is responding with choice rather than reacting with anxiety. When we threaten to leave someone, we're usually tuned in to someone else's feelings. We operate on raw emotion. We say things for shock value. Our words arise from blind reaction, not thoughtful choice
This resonated with me. I don't want to threaten the end of this relationship. I want to choose the end of this relationship. And that is all I know for today.
I feel pretty sad, but trying to be hopeful too. Hopeful for myself.