You communicate with your AH as you feel is best.
I shared some of my recovery with my AH. I just needed to check my motivation when sharing. Was I sharing to emphasize: look at how much I am growing, or was I sharing because I wanted him to learn what I was learning, or was I sharing because I wanted to share a part of my life with him.
While my A was active, my sharing mostly fell on deaf ears. The miscommunication between partners while one is still active is like two people speaking different languages.
The sober partner hears the active addict say: quack, quack, quack
The active addict hears the sober partner say: blah, blah, blah, nag, whine.
I was not able to share from a good place (non-selfish reasons) until after my AH got sober. My AH got sober during the divorce process. The longer we are both in recovery, the better our communication has become. (we are divorced and live in different states now)
As far as past incidents, for me I can forgive - but I need to remember past behavior is still a good indicator of future behavior.
I finally received peace and serenity about my exAH while we were still married. Just before I filed for divorce I forgave him. I forgave him for not being the partner I wanted him to be. I forgave him and set him free.
That was an important part of my recovery. Forgiving him and forgiving myself.
Keep on keeping on! Your recovery is showing and it looks beautiful!