We do NOT know how to communicate...(m)
That is the worst of it all I think. I posted below about my awful assumptions on my way home, when I thought he was behind me in his car. I "assumed" the worst as all codependents do that he had stopped for a few. I was PROUD of myself that I went home, and went to bed, and did not worry AT ALL about whether he would be home or not...I had a very good night sleep. He called me to say that when he was putting our boat away, there was a distress signal and he and our neighbor went to rescue a family in a sail boat, including an 11 yo child. Ok, my old self would have chastised myself saying WHY do you question him and felt all guilty about making the wrong assumptions. I didn't not get sucked into his manipulation and said wow glad you guys were there to help this family. What he was really trying to say was he good reason for being late. I felt like saying well, I went into a tailspin because I thought you had stopped to drink. But, I didn't. Which leads me to the fact that as I'm learning to not be so codependent, I'm also not saying ANYTHING so there is NO communication. Just pleasantries rather than anything really to do with his alcoholism and my recovery. Is there at least a portion of time that should be set aside to say, look you may have noticed I've been acting differently, and here is why....I haven't asked him if he's back at AA, or if he's talking to his sponsor (who stood up in our wedding, along with others from AA who were in our wedding party). I haven't asked, and haven't told, so is this how it is supposed to be? It just feels sugar coated, and maybe it's simply functional communcation instaed of dysfunctional game playing...I just feel like the whole incident of 11 days ago will get swept under the rug and he will interpret it that I'm"ok" with what happened. Ok, and I do feel like that last sentence that I just wrote is a totally codependent sentence, so am I ok, or should I at least give him an inkling to what I'm working on.....Ifeel like our communication or lack there of will just put us right back to where we were (pretending that all is ok and that he is not an active alcoholic)....Help......