Wow..this brought up alot of memories of the beginning of the end for me. My XAH got his DUI (don't remember how many, but it was too many in 10 yrs.), went to treatment and came home after 3 days, went to another treatment center and came home after 3 days, paid for high priced lawyer to get him only 6 months in jail, $5,000., lost his $60,000. job who just wanted for him to do 30 days treatment and he refused......aaaahhhhhh! His job was bending over backwards but he would not go, so they let him go.....He was really on the pittypot....it was the troopers fault,not, it was my fault for not driving him that night (not-we were seperated), it was the judges fault,not, it was the lawyers fault not,....all bull----. I watched him spiral down going to AA just because the court ordered it and staying outside the meetings smoking and rejecting it all. He was kicked out of out patient treatment because he was taking pills and would not follow their rule of no non- alcoholic beer. It was wearing me out......I was the driver. I resented it. I had to let go or be dragged. I realized after reading code- n-more I was a code. I was more like his Mom than his mate. I wanted a positive life. I felt I was being used. We went to therapy as a couple and he would not followup. All he cared about was using. I cut him loose. It took a few years. He is still doing what he was doing. He recently tried to borrow money from me. I emailed I would not finance his slow suicide. It is hard stuff. So now he doesn't want to hear from me again.....GOOD. I hope you go to Alanon and get the focus on you.