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Old 08-21-2010, 04:04 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
A work in progress
LexieCat's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Laurie's right, it's "no major changes" that's suggested. Getting into, or out of, a relationship in early sobriety is a complication most people in early recovery don't need--first, everything is in flux--their perceptions, their thinking, their habits. Until the dust settles (a year's just a rule of thumb), recovering people don't even know what they need or want half the time. When I was in early recovery I had trouble ordering from a menu in a restaurant--too much COMMITMENT, lol. In addition, coping with big changes in jobs or relationships is a distraction, so a bit hazardous from that standpoint, too.

My ex-husband got sober after we'd dated for three or four years, and we got married a year later. He's been sober over 30 years now (our divorce had nothing to do with alcoholism, and we remain good friends).

It sounds like you have a good relationship, and it's great that you are doing some recovery work, yourself. When the relationship is good, it can be very helpful to recovery. One thing I learned to do was to recognize when what was going on had to do with his alcoholism (he wasn't drinking, but nobody gets "well" all at once), and step away from the situation so he could call his sponsor or a friend. It gave us both breathing room so the problem didn't snowball.

BTW, welcome to the forums!
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