Sadpanda, I'm really sorry you're having a rough time. I completely understand your frustration over your husband going somewhere for treatment when you didn't need to do that yourself to get off the coke. However, I firmly believe that alcoholism is a disease and that often someone who has it does need to get outside help - even go away to treatment for a period of time. It sucks for you and your family right now, but I'm certain that if he were to not get help in treatment he'd eventually be incapable of being there for you, of working, of caring for your child. You're going to have to make peace with this.
My brother in law is an alcoholic who has been going to AA every single day since he got sober a year ago. My sister (his wife) is not an alcoholic and can drink like a normal person. He lost his license for a year and for a long time she had to do all the driving and all the childcare (they have two toddlers) - and she really resents the fact that he has to go to meetings and spend so little time helping with the kids or around the house. You're not alone in your predicament. But like my sister, you won't have any peace about the situation unless you just accept the fact that things are the way they are at the moment...and they'd ultimately be much worse if the alcoholics you both love were not getting the outside help they need.
Do keep posting...I'm so glad you didn't leave the forum. I hope I helped.
Stephanie