Originally Posted by sadpanda

I just miss him. Of course I'm glad he's getting help. I encouraged it because I care about him so much; I want him to be healthy. It just all happened so quickly I got caught off guard. I was so busy finding him a place to go and rearranging things for his absence (we have a 3yr old and I'm in school full-time and have a part-time job) I never once thought about how I would feel. I was just so happy he came to this decision on his own I didn't want to do or say anything to make him change his mind. (This is a long time coming) So when it was all final and then I was alone, I freaked! I just thought this would be a place where I could say the things I don't want to say to him and not be judged. (How wrong was I!) I know he needs to focus on getting better and saying those things to him wouldn't help (LIKE I SAID IN MY ORIGINAL POST)

I was addicted to cocaine for three years so, YES I have walked a mile in his shoes, more than ONCE! And YES I want to know what my part is in the healing process which is another reason I was so upset; because I was given no information on what to expect, what I should know, what I should do, etc. I honestly thought I would be more included/informed about his healing process. We have a great relationship so realizing I would not be a part of his recovery or be able to do whatever he needs to get better just really hit me hard when I got home. I do feel guilty and selfish and horrible for feeling like this (LIKE I SAID IN MY ORIGINAL POST) So I was floored when I was attacked in a "support" forum. You say I shouldn't be surprised if I act a certain way and then get called on it, but I really thought I made it clear that these were feelings I was only expressing here; maybe I wasn't. I don't want to do anything to make this harder on him than it already is, he is really truly brave for seeking help. I just love him so much it hurts my heart to be away from him for whatever reason. I just miss him and wanted to get that all out in a safe place (which I thought this was).