Well once I let go of my illusions of control I realized it didn't actually matter what I SAID in any given situation, not to alcoholics, not to codies, not to anybody!!
As a trained codie (thanks Mom!) I used to obsess over saying just the right thing at exactly the right moment thinking it would have just this certain effect etc. Baloney.
Now when I am confronted with something someone says that makes me want to respond w/ my "say exactly the right thing" brain I try to slow things down and I just say "Hunh." or "Oh." or "Let me think about that." By letting time pass in those moments I usually come to see that whatever I was chomping at the bit to say probably didn't need to be said at all, or didn't need to be said by ME!
I think you handled your friend's suggestion great!
how do you "reject" such ideas with love.
Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean!
And yeah I guess I just don't discuss my issues with the As in my life unless I am with a trusted friend or advisor who will not overwhelm me in vulnerable moments with bad advice or toxic ideas! That's part of looking out for myself, which doesn't come naturally to us codies!
Peace-
B