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Old 08-20-2010, 08:42 AM
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Joslyn
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 35
I received some weird advice yesterday

So I was talking to my bff of 30 years (yikes I'm getting old!). Her AH never sought help and died an AH, so did my Dad. Anyway, I briefly mentioned that I was reading Codependent No More, and some of the things I am learning in that book (without sounding preachy at all), just basically told her how I'm turning my focus on ME. Her 24 yo son is an AH and also smokes pot. I am dealing with my AH as he is currently "testing the waters" meaning hmm I can have a "few" and still be normal. I pray HE realizes that the right number is zero but that is not my call (although a few weeks ago I thought MY influence over him would MAKE him realize that, but no more I'm focusing on myself). So, my bff makes the very odd recommendation to me that I should go out and take my dh for a few drinks, WHAT? She says that they won't do it in front of us. I flat out told her that it was a horrible idea. My new skills and learnings over the last week, then stopped me in my tracks because I was about to say something about how she is dealing with her son, but i SHUT UP and just changed subjects. That to me, as a co-dependent means that I am truly focusing on the right stuff because what I really wanted to tell her that it was the dumbest idea I had heard in really long time, but I refrained, because I know she is trying to be supportive in her own co-dependent self....So, co-dependents, my question is, how do you "reject" such ideas with love. I'm sure we get all kinds of unsolicited advice. My next step is to stop talking about my marital problems with my friends who don't have the knowledge about codependency and that I need to engage with people on this site who have the insight to actually help me instead of getting odd advice. Did part of your co-dependency recovery include distancing yourself from friends who give this kind of advice, or did you simply stop talking about your issues with them?
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