Thank you all for your help and advice. I am thankful to have found a place that people understand and don't judge. Its so relieving to have an outlet, and to receive wisdon from people in similar situations. I found this quote on another forum, these words along with yours, will help me make it through.
“And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year: ‘Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.’ And he replied: ‘Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God. That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way’ So I went forth, and finding the Hand of God, trod gladly into the night. And He led me towards the hills and the breaking of day in the lone East.”