Thread: What do I do?
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Old 08-19-2010, 06:19 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
hello-kitty
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Work on your personal boundaries. And then let him know what isn't working in your relationship, that you are unhappy and that you have to leave. It takes courage to stand up for ourselves and our beliefs.

DO you have the means to live on your own? I think that the first thing you can do is start with a plan. Start putting money away. Start looking at rental places.

And yes I think it's very fair to say to him I can no longer live with you because you drink more than I am comfortable with. Then leave. Don't make idle threats or try to change him. Accept that he is who he is and that it doesn't match up with what you need in a relationship. Don't listen to false promises or empty words when he swears he will quit drinking. Watch his actions after you leave to see if he is telling the truth.

If he decides he wants recovery and follows through on that choice, you can always go back... but in the meantime you can build a life for yourself where your future happiness isn't dependent on an active alcoholic. That's really no life at all.

You really do deserve better than what you are settling for. You know that, don't you? Maybe counseling will help you figure out why you are settling for less than you deserve. And why you are scared to leave.
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