Hi Joslyn,
I am confused because I feel great about detachment, but I'm not sure if it equates to a marriage separation/pending divorce
I was so confused too and still don't fully believe that is what should be done in a marriage.
I think initially detachment was for relatives of alcoholics, (daughters, fathers, child) not voluntary relationships like a marriages or b/gfriends, where we should just get the hell.
I think that is why most of the conversation here and in a-lanon is based on recovering from co-dependence. It is co-dependence that makes us stay or choose relationship that are so dysfunctional.
Marriage shouldn't have to be this hard. We shouldn't have to detach from our spouses, that's not a marriage.
But with alcoholics it's only way to survive if you choose to stay.