I'm so glad to find this thread! Thank you so much. I just posted on another topic my frustration with "detachment." I am actually doing a pretty good job "detaching" and it's helping me to calm myself down when I feel anxiety or even panic. It also helps me to "hate the disease not the addict." However, I was beginning to feel as though I am spending way too much time "detaching" and asking myself "Is this really normal?"
Working to "detach with love" has been very good and healthy for me, but at the same time I can't help but wonder why I have to work so much at "detaching" (w/ love) and this constant reminder to myself, "Am I working on myself?" and "Am I focusing on myself, not the A?" In "normal" relationships (not that I would know what that is), don't couples think of one another, support one another, make sacrifices for one another, compromise and negotiate with one another? give each other input and trust in one another's decisions (even if they diverge from our own) after it has been talked about together thoroughly? meet one another's needs? talk things out? hear each other out? Rather, I feel as though I spend most of my time detaching and giving it up to his higher power or my higher power. I wonder if we are ever going to get to work on nurturing healthy, supportive attachments?
The answer is, I am married to an A and therefore, our relationship isn't healthy and normal. (He has been in recovery for 5 months, but he is still an A.) I guess I knew that but deep down in the recesses of my codependent mind, I'm still wanting to believe and hope that I can have a "normal, healthy" relationship with my RAH. . . sigh.
Learning so much from all of you. Thank you!