(((Puddin))) - just because he's 23, doesn't mean you can't set rules as far as curfew. He's living in YOUR house, and being supported by you. I'm over twice his age, and I have to follow the rules of the house. If I don't like it, I am shown the door.
When I first moved back home (thanks to the financial ruin of my addiction), I had to build up trust. I started by letting my family know where I'd be. If I was going to be late, I called. If I was going out with friends, I let them know. At first, I felt like a high-school kid, but I did it. In time, trust was rebuilt. It really wasn't so bad, as this was the way I was raised...it's common courtesy. My dad is an expediter, meaning he is on the road...a lot. He checks in, quite frequently, just so we know he's okay.
You have every right to question what he's doing. Is he drinking? Does he drive if he's been drinking? Who's car is he driving? Who's paying his insurance? Can he get another job? I'm working two jobs, going to school and I STILL can't afford to be on my own, but I follow the rules, and quite frankly, they're not so bad because I'm not doing anything wrong.
I help my family out when I can. They help me out when they can. That's how it works. If I were ever to not answer my cell phone, or call back within a short period of time (I cant answer my phone at work) it sends up a red flag because that's what I did when I was using. These are things I have to live with because of the behaviors I had when I was using. It's okay. I deserve that. Old habits die hard. I had a car run me off the road, yesterday, and I blew my tire. The first thing my dad asked, because I'm on a med to help me sleep (I have PTSD) was "are you doped up?" It stung, but ya know what? I understand it. I put that man through he!!. I simply replied "no I'm not. It's the middle of the day, and I only take my meds at night".
He's 23. You have the right to make rules and he can live with them, or he can leave. Sometimes we A's have to get "kicked to the curb" to truly appreciate what we had, and to do what we have to, to get it back.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy