and to just make the situation clearer...
yes he decided it was best that the relationship end (although i was feeling the end coming, because he wasn't giving as much effort as someone in a relationship should), and i understood. of course he said that he hoped that maybe in the future we could be together, but also made it clear that he did not know where this full recovery would take him. i told him i would not wait around, although in my heart i know i am the type who would wait around forever (which is a fault i have, i suppose, as i tend to stay in relationships i shouldn't for too long). he did, and keeps, saying that he does not want to lose me in his life. but i know that is a contradiction. clearly he has to lose me to gain himself, at least in part. and if i stay around i would not be benefited at this point (as he must focus on himself now).
he also only praised me at the end of it all. he said i had kept him together, made him a better person, done more than anyone could ever do, etc... but me keeping him together so well helped him not have to think about what he needed to fix in himself. does that make sense? he has not said one bad or negative thing. he acknowledges that he should have given me more, but knows he is too selfish to give it at this point. but that ours was the closest to a real relationship that he has had (him making effort instead of, like in his previous relationship, her making all of the effort with no return at all).
and you are right. he wasn't honest with me or anyone around him until a month ago. i was the first he told. and since he has told his family and close friends.
the ex girlfriend. well she is amazing. i am friends with her now as well. i also probably had to be okay with her if i was to date him, because he is friends with her. they are also in a creative project together, so they remain close that way as well. she has a boyfriend who she is dedicated to, and i have raised the issue with him, knowing that a part of him feels like she is the "girl who got away." and i know that is not fair to me. it is a really hard aspect of our relationship to deal with. and to this day i am not sure how it has worked out to where it wasn't a bigger issue than it was. i suppose i have always wanted to "replace" her in his mind. but that is clearly an issue he still needs to work out.
i do think you are right about the continual contact. i think he doesn't have a lot of close people in his life, and those that are/were close, he tries to keep close. i don't think it is even intentionally malicious or hurtful. he really wants to be the "helper of humanity" but lacks the skills to ever be truly helpful, even though i wish that for him. does that make sense? he idealizes everything.
i suppose it is pretty clear that i should move on. and that would likely be the smart choice. my head KNOWS this. my heart and everything i have come to be (for better or worse) doesn't want to accept that. i never give up on people, even when i get less than i deserve (pathetic, i know). unfortunately he is a pretty prominent person in my community/area of interests and so "forgetting" about him will be exceptionally hard, as he seems to be everywhere i look.
i am angry that his family and friends still get to support him, and i am the only one left in the dust. i am angry that i let myself pine after this man who could have always given me more and thought of me more--even though he really was the light of my life, and overall treated me well. ugh.
i mean, is there any hope for the future? when he gets better, recovers, figures it out? or is it too far gone?
are there ever straight answers?