Clarity? *poof*
Could you please share your story with me?
I thought I had it all figured out . I may be attempting the impossible but I want to be confident in my decision and I want to do what's best for my 15 year old daughter.
Today I told her that that I went to an Alanon meeting. I told her that it’s for people who live with people who drink too much. She asked me why I went.
“Um, your dad. Do you think he drinks too much?”
“Yeah, but he doesn’t get drunk or anything.”
“How do you know?” (because he always drinks at night)
“That’s true.”
“You know how he keeps asking us the same thing over and over again?”
”Ha, yeah.”
“That’s from his drinking.”
“Remember when he stopped drinking that one time? Well, he didn’t really stop but he only drank on special occasions for a while.”
“He stopped drinking because I asked him to. But he didn’t really stop, he just started hiding it better.”
Later she told me she knew I was doing something that day because when she asked me where I was going I avoided answering her. I told her I wasn’t sure I wanted to talk to her about it then because it was kindof an adult thing but really, she’s mature enough and it involves her, too. She said she doesn’t really think it’s a problem, that it doesn’t bother her.
“What about when dad’s mean?”
“Well, it’s just dad being dad and telling me to do stuff. I had a good childhood. Well, I still have a good childhood ‘cause I’m still a kid but… We had enough money and opportunities and stuff.”
So now I wonder – am I over reacting? Am I just trying to justify leaving so I can be "free"? Am I trying to convince myself that it’s bad for her so that I won’t feel so guilty?
I posted this on the Adult Children board but would love to hear your stories, too, especially if you lived with a highly functioning alcoholic. Did you stay together or did you divorce? How were your kids? Do you think you made the right choice? Do they?
Thank you SO much.