Ugh. It is very hard when our fortunes are tied tightly to another person's behavior. So many of my father's alcoholic decisions affected our family badly when I was a kid....So many of my exH's decisions over the year's have affected me & our boys in material and emotional ways.
My kids and I have been through a lot in the 12 yrs since my divorce - many ups and downs financially (mostly downs!!). But the thing I clung on to was that I still had the ability to give them what it is that all children truly need: which is a healthy, sober, consistent, warm and loving environment to grow up in.
I do have to acknowledge the stress I am under though and ask for and accept help and also take the time, as precious as it seems, to do good things for myself occasionally. Sometimes, when I am really down, it is all I can do to find a bit of gratitude for my health and ability to survive. I guess I hear that little voice saying "it could be worse - this moment right now is more precious than you realize!"
Hang in there!
peace-
B