Grief is God's way of getting us through it. Some days you will be fine...some days you will be sad....some days you will be in denial.....some in anger....some in acceptance- until you stay in acceptance. And there is bargaining , and maybe one I am missing. The difference between a good day and a bad day is 1 day. Stay close to God and your healthy friends. Work the program you wish he would work. Your son will someday be grateful for your healthy decision. He will not grow up in the drama and chaos.