Joslyn

Hi everyone. I am hoping to get your valuable insight as I'm at a loss. My husband and I have been married for 13 years and have been together for 16. When I met him he was already an active participant in AA. He had 20 years of sobriety until last year, so we had about 5 years or more of sobriety when we met. Most of his drinking occurred in his 20's and after several DUI's and much heartbreak, he finally sought the help he needed. We now have two children. He is a kind quiet, wonderful person. I should also mention that I grew up in an alcoholic household where my father never got the help he needed so I lived a brutal life with empty promises, scared moments in cars, etc. I finally broke it off with my own father after my sister mentioned she was inappropriately touched while my father was drunk when she was a teen. I think I was driven to financial success and independence in college so in the back of my mind that I was always able to support myself and it really drove me to succeed and I'm now what I think of as a highly regarded career woman. Last year, my world fell apart when I received a call while on a business trip from my father in law. My husband was missing and he finally found him drunk on the side of the road, with his truck and towing our boat. I was devastated to say the least. I had NO inkling he was drinking again. fast forward to this year, he made empty promises, but I firmly told him I would not raise my children in an alcoholic household. He promised to attend aa meetings, and did, but not as religiously to be effective. Fast forward to a few months ago when it really deteriorate (again NO indication of an issue until it got really really bad). He hit a guard rail, apparently while I was frantically trying to call when I couldn't reach him. I drove his car home a few more blocks without a tire (?!), and four state troopers followed him to our home. Being the enabler I am I sent him to take a shower when four cop cars arrived at our upper middle class home (of course they turn off the lights no sirens as to not disturb our Wisteria lane lol), and they asked to speak to him. I sent him out there, and they asked him a few questions and left. I thought he had reached rock bottom becuase I started drawing up papers, but again he said he was back in AA, was meeting with an AA person I highly regard, but it simply is not enough. No other issues after that until last night, when I suspectd he had a few, and I asked him about it. He immediately left which meant that I was right. This has caused great strain on my ten year old son that panics when his Dad doesn't come home when he tells him that he will, and he left without saying anything to him. He finally allowed me to go meet with him, and he started saying that it was the stress caused by our teenage daughter (I preceded to tell him that it was his addiction to alcohol that is to blame nothing else). What do I do from here. I have forbidden him to drive our children in the car, I've also asked him to put a device in his car. HOW do I protect myself and my kids from all of this. I truly want him to get back on the road to recovery, but I'm absolutely terrified that I will be sitting across from him in a jail cell, telling me that he is sorry for killing someone on the road. I think we need to sit down with my 10 year old to tell him what's happening too. I don't know if this is rock bottom but I did tell him that if our family life is causing stress then we should live separately and that he can have supervised visits (I guess I can get nasty if I need to to protect my kids). Again, he is wonderful kind, not a nasty drunk, and I truly want to restore our family life, but in the meantime I'm fearful we are going to lose everything if he is not committed to getting the help he needs, and then what am I supposed to do or say to stay "supportive" while "firm" that he has everything to lose. Thank you for reading this very long post, and give it to me straight. I'm sure I'm doing everything wrong!