Dear SS - your grief comes through your words so clearly - you are living the fear we all face and i am so sorry that you are bearing that burden - i will pray for you to be comforted and find the answers you seek - i do not know what your understanding of your HP is - i do know that a HP is bigger than anything we ever will deal with here in this life - i hope you can allow that power to envelope you - i wish there were words that could make the pain go away or more bearable - but i do not know of words that significant -