Welcome to the family!
Thank you for taking the time to introduce yourself and share your story with us. Feel free to read and post as much as needed. We're open 24/7 and we are here to support you.
You will file when you are ready. Filing for divorce does not mean that you end up divorced. Filing for divorce does not mean that you don't have a future together, if the alcoholic is able to maintain sobriety, you can reconcile later.
Filing for divorce was something I did to protect myself and my children from the financial and legal fall-out of active alcoholism. I do not regret taking that step.
Something that helped me to make up my mind about "should I stay married or should I file for divorce", was to go no contact with the alcoholic. I needed time and space to think about what was best for me and my children. Life with an active alcoholic was confusing. All the conversations got twisted about, lies by ommission, denial, denial, and the tension from my anger and resentments were making me frustrated. I was always walking on eggshells and living in reaction mode.
I needed to establish no contact with my alcoholic so that I could learn to be still with my thoughts and stop reacting to life in my own home. I have children and needed to maintain contact for childhood issues and financial reasons. However, I kept those conversations brief and spoke as if I was dealing with a business partner.
Face-to-face meetings at Alanon, Alanon phone numbers, reading and posting here as well as self-improvement books have helped me along the way.
Whatever you decide, you have our support!