Pretty similar boat here tinkerlocks, just over a longer time span.
I cope by going to Al-Anon meetings, keeps me sane and reminds me that his drinking is not about me, there's nothing I can do except look after myself and our kids.
I also keep certain areas of our lives separate to protect myself...just in case (like finances).
Only you know how much you can cope with, look after yourself and don't beat yourself up. This roads full of tough choices, none of your decisions will be wrong, they will be what you need in the moment.
Be gentle with yourself tinkerlocks :-)