So sorry you're feeling bad....dealing with an actively drinking alcoholic can make us do crazy things--crazy, problematic things. The important thing, IMHO, is to come to the realization that there are things about you that you can change, namely one's reactions towards the alcoholic and his/her drinking, as well as learn to take steps towards deciding what is and what isn't best for you.
I remember at the height of my worry / frustration / anger over my alcoholic sister's drinking, I became obsessed with the fact that she tells lies when she drinks. I became so obsessed with that fact that I made it my goal to prove that she was lying; at one point I even considered hiring a private investigator. Ummm....yeah. That was a wake up call to me that I was far too enmeshed in her alcoholism. It was the key to "waking up", so to speak, that I was as affected by her drinking as she is. I knew then that I had to step back and work on myself a bit instead of focusing all my energy on her.
It sounds like you are thinking things through, and sometimes that can only be done when you're separated from each other. Continue to post, share, and learn.