Originally Posted by
sesh 
when living in dysfunctional family nothing seems to work, we start to think it is us, it is our fault, that we have missed out on few of life's greatest lessons: what is normal. So we are stuck, mainly because we are trying to find a normal "operating mode" in the circumstances that are not normal.
Thank you for putting words to these thoughts that are rambling around my head.
Originally Posted by
sesh I find the way to deal with this is by asking questions and deciding to act; to make a choice and act upon it . . they don't know it, they think it. You can prove them wrong.
I never thought of it this way – that they are just as controlled by their thoughts as I am in mine – yet I can prove them wrong.
Originally Posted by
sesh But than I realized they're hurting anyhow: my kids are hurting bacause I'm miserable all the time, my mum too wants me to be happy (of course she has her controlling ideas on how I should acheive it) and she's sad I'm not, and my RAH was miserable too, as we kept fighting, and we were like hostages in this marriage.
Never thought of it this way, either – that whether I am doing what they want or doing what I want they are still miserable – yet by doing what I want and making sure I am happy and properly caring for myself, I am in essence changing the cycle. And whether they figure their stuff out or not, I am responsible for figuring my stuff out regardless of the others.
Originally Posted by
sesh As I said in the beginning it is about making choice: staying where you are, or taking that leap of faith, allowing the possibility for something good to happen.
Oh, yes. The ever illusive leap of faith – illusive or avoided??? *Alegra wonders aloud* I’m certainly standing on the edge…
Originally Posted by
sesh PS Sorry if I seem a bit harsh, or angry, but writing about all this makes me a bit angry with myself bacause it took me so long to realize all this, as now all this fels just like a plain common sense. Give yourself time to get there, it seems to me you're asking all the right questions.
Not harsh or angry at ALL! Quite the opposite. I really appreciate the time you have taken to share this with me. So very helpful! Thanks for the encouragement!