Hi
Tantalus and welcome.
What do I do now? ... My BIG ISSUE is that, apart from the obvious problems I have, I am concerned I am now part of the problem but unsure what to do to avoid further damage.
From what you describe in your post, it sounds like a valid concern. To avoid "doing further damage" (if you have, in fact, DONE damage in the first place) you likely would benefit from learning about the disease of alcoholism, how it affects families, and the dynamics of the codependent relationship. You may also want to take steps to examine yourself and how you came to be involved with an alcoholic.
So folks, how does one move on in this situation when I know what she will try to do and am scared by it? ... Or do I just have to accept it as my life's burden?
I think your answer depends on YOUR OWN morals and values. In everything, I trust my instincts and follow my heart. This has never failed me. But I also have had to train myself to recognize guilt when it has masked itself as morality.
I hope you return to SR soon and let us know how you and your family are doing.