I feel the same way, coming from a fairly dysfunctional, neglectful home. It's hard to build on foundations that aren't there in the first place.
I liked the book "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward. Cuts through the bull.
My username comes from counselling I'm currently going through. The counsellor is using "schema therapy" and my particular sore point is subjugation. There are about 20 different schemas and the book "Reinventing Your Life" (not sure of authors' names) goes into all of them. I had to complete a test and my highest scores were on neglect and subjugation.