Phoebe...only telling you this to share that you are not alone! I am almost exactly where you are right now, only my AH won't leave. I have put $ down on a lawyer and am working through that in hopes, but it will likely be months before we are physically apart. I too have been with AH for 19 years - we have been married 17 going on 18. He used to be an awesome husband, but he too had alcohol issues (that gradually grew out of control)...and now I've been dealing with his drug use for 5 years too. I'm sick and tired of it all. My AH is sick too. It is just sickening watching the jeckle and hyde behavior. So sorry you are going through this too and it breaks my heart about your son. I hope the help you are all recieving is making a difference for him too.
Take care.