Originally Posted by
ChrrisT 
Would we be consider codependents if not for the alcoholics in our lives?
As others have said in this thread, these behaviors or "reactions" come from living with an alcoholic.
Not necessarily. That's the point I was trying to make. The behaviors and reactions come from within us. They come from beliefs we hold and the ways we have learned to be in the world. It doesn't matter if you call it codependent, unhealthy, insane, or whatever. We choose to behave and react the way we do. Nobody "makes" us this way, although being in a relationship with an alcoholic can definitely exacerbate things.
Until I was willing to see that I was the one making myself miserable, not the alcoholic, there was nothing I could (or was willing) to do to change things. Until I stopped blaming the alcoholic for the circumstances in my life, I believed I was a victim of his behavior, of his disease.
It took a very astute therapist to help me see that my life and my misery were my own--even without the alcoholic. For these reasons, I am grateful that my marriage to an alcoholic brought me to my knees and drove me to reach out for help. I surely would have gone on repeating the same patterns and clinging to the same faulty beliefs otherwise.
L