BuffaloGal

I'm with you. To me, being in a dysfunctional relationship with an alcoholic has an element of choice that appears to be absent in alcoholism itself (this is my opinion about my own life, experience and actions; it isn't meant to be applied to anyone else's life). It isn't a choice the healthy part of me wants to be involved in.

My aexh foisted some pretty minor quacking on me a couple of days ago and I couldn't believe how... well... crazy I felt in response, how nuts it made me that he was lying to himself and me and I knew it and I knew he'd never admit it. Love him still, but I feel tons better not constantly second guessing myself or trying to figure out if he is telling the truth or fibbing. I let it go after a couple of hours and I felt like taking a shower. Ugh.

Now that I don't mentally live in that place anymore, the difference is striking. (While I was there, that madness didn't seem exactly normal either... but I did not grow up in an alcoholic family, or have codependent behavior modeled to me.) But now I feel solid and safe in myself; I know what I am and what I'm not. That wasn't the case during my marriage.