I find it interesting that you've chosen "BadChoices" as your name. That tells me you already know you're in a bad place -- somewhere you don't *really* want to be, perhaps?
The very unfortunate *truth* is that an active alcoholic doesn't have the capacity to give you what you need and deserve which is unconditional, full-time, from the heart, "I care about you as much as I do myself", giving, caring love!
Are you willing to settle for morsels instead of waiting to find the guy who can be there for you 100%, because he is healthy and knows and loves himself, and wants to give just as much as he is willing to take?
I have been in your shoes with an A, not once but twice. First with an alcoholic husband for 11 years (when I was young and clueless about the disease) and now years later (after knowing better) with a pothead/alcoholic who I finally broke up with after I realized I had climbed back on the same nasty rollercoaster.
I wish I could tell you that if you hang in there, things will be alright in the end...but the reality is that no one knows what your ABF will choose in the end. You have no control over the situation because it is HIS situation. You do have control over the way you want your life to turn out, however. And you can make it grand and wonderful and YOURS if you wish!!!
People here don't want to offend you or hurt your feelings. They simply have what I wish I had had when I married an alcoholic 22 years ago -- The serenity to accept the things I could not change, the courage to change the things I could, and the wisdom to know the difference! My life would have taken a much different path!
I think Al-Anon is a great idea. I wish you the best, and I hope that you stick around here. There is truly a lot of support from many very wise people who care about your well-being. :ghug3