Hi user1234.
to SR.
This is a wonderful place to find support and some good laughs too.
I hope you keep coming back and tell us how you're doing.
Please know that we've all been where you are right now. You're not alone in feeling the way you do.
I hope there's also something inside you that screams "W.T.F.?" about being blamed for outing your husband's "secret". He has an addiction. Addictions thrive in secret. If HE has shame about his drinking, then it is HIS problem, not yours.
Nowhere in your marriage vows did you say "I solemnly swear to hide my husband's alcoholism and abusive behaviours from our friends, family and neighbors, until I go completely mad". Sorry, but that just wasn't in there.
Please keep posting and reading. SR is always open.