Eight Ball

Firstly welcome to the site - which you have found because his drinking problem is not just a minor annoyance - its a big enough problem to search out this site and post a thread.

I have been married to an AH for 22 years, who can also be a mean, cruel drunk. He emotionally abuses me by telling me that I am boring, I dont wash enough and I am lazy (amongst other things). He always tells me these things when he is drunk and I 'challenge' him about his drinking. Thats what alcoholics do to defend their drinking, they take the focus off themselves and attack you. When my husband is sober, he tells me he loves me, I am his sole mate and he wants to spend his life with me. He obviously wants to spend his life with a boring, smelly, lazy wife!

I totally agree with Suki, he is a mean drunkard. He is also pulling out his 'Ace' trump card and making you feel guilty for HIS bad behaviour! Who is everyone anyway - your best friend. Thats what best friends are - you confide in each other about good and bad.

Believe me, you havent hurt him at all, you have threatened his drinking to the point whereby he has had to use this 'line' to completely take the focus off himself. And its worked now hasnt it! and if you let it work, then he knows he can use this tactic again as he knows how much this has hurt you.

Please, keep reading and learning about problem drinking/alcoholism and verbal abuse as it is insidious and will take you under with it, if you let it. Try to find an Al-anon meeting close by, therapy, anything to educate yourself on the subject, so that you can make suitable choices for YOU and YOUR future either with, or without him. And, dont let him 'bully' you into not seeking out help either with this 'I want to keep it secret' game.

I tell everyone (who enquires) about my AH, my best friend knows, my mum knows, my family knows, my adult daughters know, I go to Al-anon and he knows about this too and he is still married and living with me and still drinking!