Please, please read the stickies on abuse.
You sound exactly like I was when I first came here. I am almost in tears for you.
Love isn't supposed to hurt. I remember very well when someone told me that.
Before you make any decision, why don't you call a domestic abuse center in your area.
They will give you so much help sorting this out.
YOU ARE NOT AT FAULT FOR TALKING WITH YOUR FRIEND ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS AND SITUATION
He has betrayed you by treating you this way.
This blaming thing is crazymaking and both abuse and alcoholism only get worse. Really.
You can heal and love some one who treats you like a queen all the time...not just when it is make up time.
hugs