Katie,
I was right were you are exactly a year ago. The only difference was I am in PA and my son is in CA (he went out there for long term care and stayed). I have been through it all the lies, the stealing, the broken promises. I always tried to keep him from hitting bottom. I kept telling him you will end up in jail or dead. But I have learned like so many have said we can't fix this only they can. We have sent him to several rehabs and spent all of our savings. I do not regret that for one minute because even though he relapsed I do believe that he learned something each time. Long story short he was arrested last July for burglary. We bailed him out because our son did not "belong" there, he needed rehab. He never checked in and got arrested again for shoplifting, he had a friend bail him out. We knew he needed to be in jail to keep himself safe so we had his lawyer (which we were paying for) to ask the judge to put him in until his hearing. It was hard to do but I could sleep at night knowing he was safe. He sat in jail for 2 1/2 months (called crying for the first few weeks). He was placed in a year long drug rehab residential facility. He has now been clean a year and is doing well. (I don't often say that because I don't want to jinx anything). He continues to live in their long term housing and pays his own rent and bills. Jail was the best thing that could have happened to him. He was not getting the message before. I pray he continues to do well. I have made it clear over and over that we will not be there if he ends up in jail again, we have done everything we could to help it is now in his hands. My prayers are with you both. Have faith this could be just what he needs.