Originally Posted by
Learn2Live 
It seems to me that you expect someone else to give you the answers, but that you're not willing to do the work on your own. You don't want HIM leaning on you like this but are you leaning on others in the same way? I am not accusing you of anything, just trying to give you something to examine. No one can give you YOUR answers, that is why people at Al-Anon appear to you to be stubbornly withholding something from you-which they are not. It is no one else's responsibility to discover YOUR truth, it is your's.
You are right that I need other people. I need my friends, the Internet, etc. to offer different perspectives. Ultimately I decide for myself. I don't feel comfortable giving him any answers or advice on sobriety. I know nothing about it beyond the kind of experiences I have had with my parents. I don't ask him for advice on my job, I just vent to him a little because that is what I am used to doing with friends. I can be blind to the way I act, even when it is exactly what I complain about in him. Thank you.