He and I went out for coffee a few times and found we could relate easily...alcoholism is something I have been RUNNING AWAY FROM my entire life (then I ran right into its arms!) WHat a freaking cliche!
Really, this is not a cliche. Wherever YOU go, there YOU are. You can run from yourself but honestly, you cannot hide.
I told him I don't want to hear this much about AA, etc, because in-between sponsors I feel like he is using me unfairly. Am I being ridiculous?
IMO, no, you are not being ridiculous. We ALL need to stand on our OWN two feet, whether it is about our jobs, our sobriety, our homes, whatever the responsibility. When a person continuously leans on another person for an hour a day, complaining about something, or needing their feedback about it, that is not standing on your own two feet. But allow me to point something out to you:
One of my big frustrations with groups like Al-Anon is that they stubbornly don't provide any answers...My mother attends meetings right now - I've talked to her about him, and her reaction was similar (that she thinks I am being manipulated)...Truth is, I have grown to feel like I 'need' our nightly chats too. But I have a bigger support system and I will not wither without this relationship, either.
It seems to me that you expect someone else to give you the answers, but that you're not willing to do the work on your own. You don't want HIM leaning on you like this but are you leaning on others in the same way? I am not accusing you of anything, just trying to give you something to examine. No one can give you YOUR answers, that is why people at Al-Anon appear to you to be stubbornly withholding something from you-which they are not. It is no one else's responsibility to discover YOUR truth, it is your's.
Take care. Hope this all works out for you. I'm glad your mom and your BF are going to 12-steps, trying to make themselves and their lives better.