that's good news that they are going to alateen this week. perhaps explain the give it 6 trys rule, as many feel uncomfortable initially. also, let them know that they don't have to say anything at all...they can just sit and listen...
and yes, expect the uproar from the A when you start to make changes. this work is painful but liberating! for myself, i was so busy putting fires out and playing the blame game that it took me a while to take a good hard honest look at my role in the whole thing.
in therapy, i'm learning to try to identify my needs, my goals...something i haven't considered in a long time while i was busy caring for everyone else. my codie behavior, i now discover, was playing a role in MANY relationships, not only the one with my xABF.
now, i guard my private time like a mother lion. i'm learning that i don't have to answer the door, i don't have to answer the phone, i don't have to commit to plans.
now, i prefer to leave my days open to unfold, with no stakes in the ground to meet anyone or do anything that someone wants me to do.
i used to feel bad if a friend came over and knocked the door and i didn't answer. now i don't! i have been clear: call before you come over. they ignore this. and i ignore the knock now.
i'm learning that i don't have to feel pressured by others demands on me. in therapy, we are working on what we call "exits"...when they demand, i can fall back on my "exits", which are new ways of communicating or choosing to not communicate. kind of like the "i'm going to dad's kit"...i always have an out.
in doing this recovery work, i have been amazed at just how many demands are being made of me by a whole bunch of people. now i'm stepping back and observing. in theraspy, we discuss what happened that week and what my boundaries are...how will i handle it.
it's good to see these things and be prepared to put my new plan of action into motion.
naive