Thanks for those suggestions. My DDs have agreed to go to Alateen this week! I'm looking forward to them having the opportunity to hear/talk about this. I've been talking with them about Alateen for about 5 months, ever since I broke up with my exA, and now they seem ready to go.
They both went off to Dad's yesterday evening (they had said they didn't want to go with him until later in the day, after their activity instead of the usual late-morning changeover). He then took them to a Fair. Of course then he was "Dad of the Year" and my younger one called and said what a great time she had. Well, good. I won't hold my breath for more of the same. I can't imagine where the money came from for the Fair, given that he's professing that he's incredibly broke so that's why paying the child support is just such a hardship for him. Wah.
They'll be home tomorrow, and in the meantime I'll be pondering all of this. It's painful. I also know it's high time I took off the blinders. This is part of recovery that's challenging, even though it's so worth it. I continue to be a bit amazed at how angry he is about the changes I'm making with regard to him. It's validating, in a way, and reminds me of the insidious nature of passive-aggressive control. It's also part of the deeper reasons that I had to leave the marriage, even if I wasn't fully in touch with all of those reasons at the time.
I like the "i'm going to Dad's kit", naive. I'll work on that.
Hugs and gratitude,
posie