Thread: So Confused
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Old 07-31-2010, 09:36 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
letgoofmyheart
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Georgia
Posts: 31
My Dear So Confused,
Your story broke my heart….I would have wanted to do the same thing, like a mother for her child you wanted to save him, he was at the bar alone, he lost his mother to a tragic accident …you brought him home to a safe place, nice clean sheets and blankets a fluffy pillow, like an angel you saved him and now, you once again will be reliving the loss all over again. I’m with you, I want this to be the beacon of light for him to find sobriety, he also wants this to be the beacon of light, he does want you back, he does love you, how could he not, you came to his rescue and I bet he didn’t even ask you for help. He does not want to be an alcoholic, who in their right mind wants to be controlled by the beer isle in the grocery store? Have you ever craved ice cream? Chocolate candy bar? Now just imagine trying to forget you want the taste because you want to lose weight or you don’t have a car or phone to call someone to bring it to you and all day long, like a song it plays in your head how much you need ice cream and candy, the taste would comfort you like a high or orgasm (sorry,just trying to find a word to help you understand the need and I’m craving banana split ice cream and my son brought me a flavor I hate). What if you got poison ivy on your scalp and your hands and feet were tied “Oh what would you give to have someone medicate the itch to make it go away?.” This is how an alcoholic feels but of course alcohol is the song in their heads. Why couldn’t he see that beacon when you saved him from losing a job or home or when you walked in the room and were the most beautiful women there, Why can’t he look into a new babies face and see the beacon of light? Why did he not see it when the baby took its first step or had to be rushed to the hospital because he had a bike accident, why didn’t he enjoy going to watch him play soccer? Where was that beacon when I was fighting cancer, when his mother and father died, when his sister committed suicide? (sorry, I’m mixing your life and mine together). Twenty three years I waited for this beacon of light, fell in love when we were seventeen married years later for 23 years. I think you and I would have no problem getting our man back would we? Mine married an older lady January but if I wanted him back he would come but we would have to live by his rules wouldn’t we? Why? Because they are selfish… As young girls we were taught to be kind and accepting to the point of not defending ourselves so now we are damaged by letting men treat us wrong. I was taught by a mother that a man takes care of the women and because he is the man he can do what he wants even if he sucks the life out of you and you don’t know who you are anymore, I was also taught you should always have a man in your life, even if he is a drunk that sucks the life out of you right? MissB89 do you believe this is the way it is? Pretend you are the little girl you wants were and let the adult you are now give her the sweetest hug she needs, now let her know you will never ever let anyone hurt her again ever, and you will keep the selfish, sociopathic men away from her no matter how lonely you get and it is okay to be alone. What kinds of things did you like to do before you met him? Did you run? Paint? Plant flowers? How many broken items do you have in your house that you can fix? Have a Super Glue day and fix everything(too bad Super Glue couldn’t fix us). Do you feel no man can love you and a sick man is better than having nothing at all? I feel this way most days due to my step father always telling me how ugly I was (my friends and relatives told me I looked like Linda Ronstadt but my esteem which I believe tells me everyday how ugly I am, I can’t even take complements, I think they are making fun of me). What man could care about me anyway? My mother didn’t care and allowed my stepfather to abuse us (I think she got a kick out of it). I’m rambling but I can almost bet you are a beautiful wonderful person and somewhere along the way someone destroyed the beautiful deserving person that should have just sent this man a sympathy card. You should put this man in God’s hands every night and everyday because no matter what, it’s not going to turn out the way you want it to no matter how much we pray. God is giving him chance after chance and if he wants to ignore God and kill his liver let him. Can you stop a tornado? Could you have saved his mother? I know you would if you could… Can you save all these people from losing their homes or should we just pray that they stop buying useless items and eat beans and rice so their children may have a home? I was more lonely with him than I am without him. You know what I mean, remember all the times we had a bad day and just needed a sober hug, someone to nurture us, someone to tuck us into a comfy bed with a fluffy pillow, someone to get up to see what the bump in the night was about? Someone to laugh with, someone that wants to cuddle without sex just because they also needed to be nurtured. When you go to the grocery store do you search out back In the trash or on the shelves where you can read the labels? Well I have learned from my mistakes and he won’t be found in the liquor isle, what about you? Please keep in mind, my guy is my first love from the age of seventeen, I wish I knew at that time what a alcoholic was…. I think we both know now, and all the ingredients are the same. Let him know you will pick him up from rehab if he finishes the full course or just pray for his soul. I miss my ex so much but I am also smart enough to know that is not my real ex, the devil has his soul and I will continue to pray for his release and then maybe he will tell my sons to tell me he is clean and wants me back if not I pray we meet in heaven, I can’t and will not allow him to control me like alcohol controls him. Keep reading this sight, every time you start to give in read some more. Don’t depend on him to bring you happiness, God will take care of him, so let go and let God do his job….
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