Through being married to an A..and coming to SR and Alanon I realized as a child I never learned to take care of myself. My father was an abusive A and my mom being a battered wife wasnt able to really care for me so I grew up being as invisible as possible and learned how to make it through life.
But now I see how taking care of myself was never really instilled in me. I didnt finish school because I didnt want to. I never once thought about what was best for me. How to make my life better etc. All I knew was to get a job, make money and find a husband. I never really knew you were supposed to be happy in life. I thought most people just worked and then went to sleep. So at 35 I see how I took care of my mother, then my sister and then the A..And when I needed these people most they werent really there for me. It was such an eye opener. I was finally alone and had to take care of me. I wish I was more like an A and focus only on me. More and more I am seeing how I dont focus on me and what is best for me at all. I never understood why people worked out, got dressed up for work etc. I didnt understand the point of feeling good about one self. Its still an odd concept for me but I am slowly learning.
Hugs
Lulu