Katie, the first time my son was in jail, he made a zillion promises...he was really ready for rehab, he said, and he knew he had to clean up...he would probably be killed in jail, he said, because an old dealer was there too...he would do every single thing I asked if only he could come live at home one more time...blah blah blah.
His lawyer played the guilt card on me, asking me to post bail because what kind of mother would leave her son in jail...blah blah blah.
Katie, my son's promises were good for less than an hour. All I did was set him free to use again.
That was the last time, the only time, I interfered with his consequences. I'm not sure how that worked for him but for me, it brought peace, knowing that from now on the right thing to do was nothing, just take care of myself and let him live out his consequences.
Big hugs, I know the pain you feel.