posiesperson

So exH and I had consistently had a very amicable divorce. We split up over 4 years ago.

It seems that now, that ship has sailed. Know why? Because I'm getting healthier. ExH is majorly P*SSED that I am not continuing to make accommodations regarding the separation agreement. Now, mind you, I've already made 3 significant accommodations and told him I CAN'T financially do more. Doesn't matter, he's soooooo angry.

Then yesterday my 14 yo DD tells me that the last 2 years with Dad have been very difficult. "Dad doesn't do what he says he's going to do" and "I'm tired of crying over my relationship with him" and "I know that deep down inside I must love him, but I don't want to spend time with him anymore."

I know what she's talking about, it's toxic stuff and I had to get out of the marriage in order to survive. DD says, "even though I'm so much happier since you got divorced, this is my home and I don't want to leave anything at Dad's anymore." My heart is so sad.

ExH is exceedingly manipulative, and I've seen this SO much more clearly since getting into recovery. I don't know how to do this. My kids are 12 and 14 and I want to do everything I can to raise them to have strong voices about who they are and what they want. I don't know what to do. My Mamma Bear inside wants to have them spend almost all of their time with me. Their Dad is trying to make sure he gets less and less time with them, anyway. I want to set boundaries with him and yet I'm concerned he'll use the kids as pawns to try to "get" to me. It's so awful, I can barely stomach it.

ES&H much appreciated...

Gratefully and tearfully,
posie