Originally Posted by naive

hi there-

good to hear from you. that conversation with your husband made my head spin. there's nothing to hold onto in it...it's all so...so vapid and empty.

so there's nothing he's unwilling to speak about with you? if i recall correctly, finances are off-limits, his previous relationships are off-limits, his drinking is off-limits...

i shudder to imagine what is going on in your home in your absence.

findingpeace, there is no point in dragging a horse to water if he's not thirsty.

ok, imagine this. imagine you were him. what would you do? if my cherished partner was saying they would leave because of my emotional unavailability, i would get help. i wouldn't wait for couple's therapy, i would go of my own volition.

i would go alone, and then perhaps, after some work, we could go together and begin to heal the rift.

additionally, the emotional unavailability isn't the only issue, is it? let's not forget the drinking and lying, amongst other disturbing habits.

so, while you have been away, what exactly has he done to address your very valid concerns? is he in AA? has he stopped drinking? is he in therapy?

or, is he merely writing you and blame shifting?

i think it's a red flag that you feel tired when you consider going back. no wonder!

you know, it doesn't matter if he never said he wouldn't go to counseling. please, pay attention to what he does not what he says! the reality is that he hasn't gone.

you didn't need him to go. you went anyway, without him. he has the same choice.

another thing, i really don't see the point of couple therapy whilst he is still drinking. if he is still drinking, then i doubt very much that the therapy would yield fruit.

i would render a guess that if you do choose to go back, it might solidify your position to move on without him and his baggage. for myself, i had to go back after a break and then everything became crystal clear pretty quick.

thanks for checking in and keep in touch,
naive